balance.

lately i've become acutely aware of how hard it is to find and maintain balance in my life. ever since i started really trying to walk more consistently with the Lord, i've become more and more aware of the fact that i am so easily tipped out of balance, especially with my prioritization of TIME.

and if you look around my house today.... well, you'll see that i've been totally imbalanced. it's sobering, humbling to see how much i fail on a daily basis. my natural reaction is to try to "do" myself out of it... i just have "do this - fold and put away the laundry" or do that "mop & vacuum and clean the bathrooms" and then i'll be back on track. but after learning that those approaches are really coming from a place of self-sufficiency for me... i need to just humble myself before the Lord. i need to acknowledge my short-comings (He sees them anyway) and ask for forgiveness for not being a faithful steward of my time. THEN i need to let it sink in that i need Him every.single.day. every single moment of every single day. i fail all the time. it would have been hard for the old me to sit here and admit that... i've lived with a fear of failure all my life - and it still hangs around sometimes - but it's a testimony to God's grace in my life that He's changing my perspective on life, on my identity, on what really matters. 

i was preparing my study on the Apostle John and the Lord brought me back to these verses in 2 Corinthians. 

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (II Corinthians 4:17, 18 NKJV)

and it just brought back perspective. into my heart... into my life. what really matters? what is the objective of having a balanced life? where my priorities are straight, my time is spent as it should be, my family is nurtured by me... what's the point? why, God's glory of course. eternity. my life is but a vapor. i'm not promised tomorrow. so i need to live for Jesus today. and every day i've been given. i need to make sure i'm abiding in Him, walking with Him, following Him... taking up my cross and still following Him. so why am i still spending time doing the things i feel like doing instead of the things i know i'm called to do? i've been distracted and not intentional about my priorities lately. and it's one of those habits that gets harder to drop once you keep doing it... how frustrating the flesh is! but it's comforting to know that i'm not alone in all this... these temptations... i'm not the only one who struggles with the flesh... we all do. but Christ is there... leading the way... showing us the way to go... being our strength for us. giving us His grace that is sufficient for us.

Lord, how i need you! every single day! please help me to remember where my eyes should look always. remind me about eternity. remind me to live for Heaven... because it's coming! this world will soon pass away... i want my life to count. i need you to balance out my life, my priorities... my heart's desires... so that i long for You always and i live out that longing to Your glory and for Your good will and purpose. help me, Lord. i can't do it without You. 

This life i live... i want it to matter, not here... but for eternity... 

where the fruits will remain forever and eternally bring God the glory.