the morning was a bit stressful. i "slept in" (woke up at 7am) and so once i was up, the big kid had to wake up and get ready for school. and then began the hustle and bustle of the day. breakfast... dropping off at school... come back home... try to tidy up... finish breakfast for the twins... start getting ready for pumpkin palooza...
pumpkin palooza - boy twin's pre-school's halloween celebration/carnival event. so much fun. carnival games, a jumper, pumpkin decorating, crafts, face painting, dance party, dance performance to "ghostbusters"... the twins and i had a really good time.
and i realized early on that this could end up becoming like other times when i just kinda ruin the fun by being too much of a mom - you know, the nagging and all that stuff. "don't do that" "go over here" "why do you wanna play that one?" blah blah blah. i admit, i have a tendency to nag my family and it just sucks all the fun out of anything. it's like planning a "family fun day" but yelling and nagging at people all morning when we're trying to get ready to go. uhh... not a great start to the fun, mom. (sigh)
so anyway, by God's grace, something switched inside of me. it was not a willful, premeditated decision. i just arrived at the palooza... ready to have fun with my kids. i didn't prep anything the night before so i got everything ready in the nick of time, almost as an afterthought. the getting ready phase was still pretty stressful - we couldn't find boy twin's Mario mustache not once, but twice.. and i nearly forgot to curl Princess Peach's hair and make sure she had accessories. by God's grace, He reminded me to pack some sandwiches for the kids cuz we'd be there through lunch time but there was no food - just popcorn, apples with caramel sauce and water... AND to bring a backpack instead of a purse to be comfortable and practical. and wow! did it work out... thank You, Lord!
we got there, found pretty great parking right off the street by the park, and we raced down to the park together. when i'm excited about something, usually they catch on because, well, they're 3 and 4, but also because enthusiasm is typically a little contagious... and it can still set the tone for fun even if those participating aren't in the mood. anyway, the twins were just as pumped as me. so we get there and i'm like, "what do you guys wanna do first?!" so boy twin wants to do games. OK. which game? and then we realize, oh, you win candy for the games! we need a goodie bag! and sure enough, they had a table where you make your goodie bag into a Despicable Me minion! super cute. so since it's just me with both kids, normally, trying to make a craft can be a bit stressful for this high strung mama. but... by God's grace... girl twin waited patiently while i helped boy twin, and they both did a great job following my lead and pasting their pieces onto the bag. and - amazingly - i didn't try to tell them where to paste them or how they should look :) that is a feat for me to accomplish without telling myself beforehand "just let them do it the way they want... it doesn't have to look perfect." by God's grace, i tell ya. so their bags come out really cute and they announce that they'll have a parade for the kids to show off their costumes so the twins walk around in the conga line... after it's a dance party and boy twin shows off some of his gangnam style moves and girl twin is twirling and twirling... and twirling... so much fun. we all try to keep up with the line dancing, but it's not the greatest sight but it was still fun.
i suggest it would be best at this point to wait in line for the face painting bc that's the only line that's always long. so we're waiting and they're being so good. i had absolutely NO behavior issues with them all day. no whining... (that i can remember, there could have a been a whine here or there, but definitely not in excess where i remember having to correct anyone...) we were all just kinda easy ... going with the flow and excited to have fun. that was pretty darn cool. so we're in line for the face painting, and when we're like 2 kids away, boy twin has to go and do his dance with his class. so we hop out of line... which would normally be a little irking, but what can you do -- oh well. not a big deal. we'll hop in later. so he does his dance - well, not really - he got a little stage shy and didn't want me to watch so he didn't do most of the dance. and yeah, i could have gotten really frustrated - in many cases i do that - i give them a hard time about not doing something, pretty much making them feel bad for whatever it is that they didn't do... when it's just me being frustrated about my own disappointment at not getting in on video or something... as if it's the last time i'll ever see them perform or something. that just shows my own selfishness right there. and in the moment, i was a little frustrated... but by God's grace, He reminded me to keep things in perspective. what's the big deal if boy twin doesn't dance in front of everyone? if the kid's shy, the kid's shy. not everyone is a born performer. and what am i gonna do? make him feel bad for how God made him...? besides, some of the best dance performances are done at home, in their element... where they feel safe and secure, and i love that. we should be able to be ourselves at home... without fear or anxiety.
so we go on to decorate their pumpkins. they each pick out their own - no "suggestions" from mom. just "OK go pick out your pumpkins...! which ever one you want!" and of course boy twin chooses a heifer of a pumpkin and girl twin is being indecisive. lol. and to a mama who hasn't had any morning snack (and i actually didn't even eat the whole 2.5 hours we were there - it's only by God's grace that the green eyed hungry mama monster didn't rear her ugly head and ruin the whole palooza) in my typical fashion, i would have gotten frustrated at the fact that i had to carry a 10 pound pumpkin and deal with a 3 year old that can't make up her mind at the pumpkin patch. so, thanks be to God for helping me through that one! then there was the pumpkin decorating table and we squeezed our way in and girl twin is still on her indecisive tip and both twins are excited to decorate and she wants "more stickers! more stickers!" and they're both being pretty patient and it all worked out so well. at the beginning i thought to myself, man, i probably should have brought reinforcements... then i could stand in line with one, someone else could take the other one elsewhere or whatever... but it really did all work out. we can't get stuck on the "shoulda's"... it just breeds discontent and regret and who wants to deal with all that? it just sucks the happy out of it.
their pumpkins turn out great! again, by God's grace, i didn't once try to "make suggestions" - "why don't you do it like this?" "but it doesn't look like a face... don't you want it to look like a face?" "oh! you should try this...! no? why not? c'mon! it'll look really cool that way..." blah blah blah. sometimes i just shake my head at myself. so their pumpkins are all their own. done their way. and they're great. the important thing is not how they look, but that they had fun creating something that is uniquely theirs. :)
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| left: girl twin's pumpkin | right: boy twin's pumpkin |
another thing that often stresses me out is time... not having it... running late... (sigh)
we only had 2 hours at the palooza. and the neurotic part of me is worried that we're not gonna have enough time to get their faces painted bc the line can get kind of long. yet, again, by God's grace, after putting the heavy pumpkins in the car, we come back and the line is pretty short! yes! and while we wait, there's another performance to the ghostbusters song and i'm able to capture on video a bit more of the moves from boy twin's dance bc he's doing it in line without the threat of the crowd staring. yay! and after the face painting we did all the games, they got a bunch of candy AND he got to play with his school friends on the playground. all in all a really great time and no meltdowns (including mama! those are the worst kind). God is good, that's for sure. we see Him in our every day moments if we're really paying attention... which, also, by His grace, is something i got to share with my eldest while we had some one-on-one time going to the doc's office to get his eye allergies checked out.
that was nice. it had been a go, go, go kind of day and, unfortunately, i can be pretty hard on him when i get all stressed out. it's so unfair and i know i need to change... sometimes i feel like my many shortcomings as a person and mama are ruining my kids' lives and i feel so terrible about it. and yet this darn flesh... it wars and wars with the Spirit and so many times it wins. too many times. and there's usually collateral damage. times like that make me long for heaven - so many weaknesses in the body... i'm looking forward to the day when i don't have to wrestle with it anymore.
so that was refreshing - being mama to my eldest alone, when most of the time he has to share my attention, fight for it... i still remember the days when it was just me and him and i'd take him to the park, or to my university to look at the ducks after i turned in some paper, or we would just hang out just the two of us. it's so much easier to pour yourself into a little person when there's only one, you know? not that i would ever change anything about my family as it is - i'm so blessed to have these babies of mine. i just realize now how much i took it for granted - that i never realized just how different and difficult it would be once another one came along... and another one...
so, i think the time together yesterday, as short as it was, filled both of our love tanks. so i'm thankful for that...
the evening then went long because i met up with ange for dinner. time spent with her is always good... she's one of those friends that i can relate to on so many levels - one of those friends that sees things the same way and so it's easy to just talk about life. so i was thankful for that.... God is good. i have some major blessings in my life and it's all by His grace. and it's even by His grace that i can wake up after passing out last night from exhaustion from the day that i don't feel overwhelmed or unable to function because of some feeling of being drained from the day before. it's not a "recovery day" - like i often need after long days or big outings like amusement parks. today, i woke up still refreshed - calmer and more patient with my kids. and they seemed more at ease too. maybe it was all the quality time that i spent with people i love... love tanks were filled all around and that's always always a blessing from above.
thank You, Lord! thank You for not only teaching me that i need balance, but showing me the different ways i can achieve it... and all by Your grace. You have given me these opportunities - You take care of me, You care for my well being and You show Yourself to me in so many wonderful and practical ways that i can't help but praise You for this day. praise You for Your grace. it is sufficient for me. and i'm so blessed to be Your child.
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